When Stress is an Unwanted Guest

Written by Myrna Olaya, Clinical Program Manager, New Friends New Life

As the holidays near, many of us are preparing to share the days to come with family, packed stores, and year-end deadlines at work. Although the holidays can be filled with cheer, they can also be extremely stressful times. While stress is an inevitable part of being human, managing it effectively is crucial to our overall well-being. National Stress Awareness Day, observed every year on the first Wednesday in November, serves as an important reminder to pause, reflect, and take proactive steps toward better stress management.

As a Mental Health Clinician, a student, and just a human being in general, I have become quite familiar with the company of stress. Between my own life and hearing my clients’ stories, I have noticed that the pressures of modern life can be quite overwhelming- and we are all feeling it!  What I’ve noticed has been my best-kept secret when stress’ company is no longer welcome, is to have an anti-stress list that takes no time to pull up and apply.  For me, it usually means ensuring that I have a good meal, either for comfort or for nourishment, but this can look different for everybody. If the meal doesn’t quite do it, then it might be lighting my favorite candles, cuddling up with my dog, and escaping from this modern world for just a few hours. Leaning into this prepared list helps me process the stress at hand.

It's important to remember that stress affects everyone, but it’s how we respond to it that can make all the difference. While we can’t control every stressor in our lives, we can control how we manage and cope with them. By practicing healthy stress management techniques, we can improve our resilience, boost our well-being, and lead healthier, happier lives.

Remember, you're not alone in your stress. Reach out for support when you need it and take the time to prioritize your mental and physical health. Making a list of things you find enjoyable and noticing a sense of peace when doing it might be one way to start creating your anti-stress list. Small, consistent changes can make a big difference in how you manage stress—today, tomorrow, and in the future.

Taking care of your mental health is essential. Make a commitment today to reduce stress in your life and prioritize your well-being.

Stay calm, breathe deeply, and take care of yourself—because you deserve it.

From Fear to Freedom: Empowering Survivors of Domestic Violence

Written by Claudia Davila, Chief Programs Officer, New Friends New Life

*Image from National Institutes of Health

“If we are to fight discrimination and injustice against women we must start from the home for if a woman cannot be safe in her own house, then she cannot be expected to feel safe anywhere.”

- Aysha Taryam

Moving to the United States from Peru at the age of 14 was one of the most impactful experiences of my life. What I experienced at that vulnerable age set the trajectory of my life and found my calling.  It wasn’t until witnessing gender discrimination, physical and emotional abuse, and power and control dynamics with my fellow students and their families that I knew that the messages given to me as a child were going to serve a purpose; to help those in need and help empower those in vulnerable populations.

My dad, a civil engineer, had always taught me to question authority if something wasn’t right, to help those in need and to always treat the janitor the same way as the president of a company. My mother who is the strongest woman I know, had always taught me that no one has the right to make you feel lesser than, to be strong and independent and to stand up for what you believe in.  I never would have thought that these messages would help me as a young naïve girl in a new country.  The first time I witnessed abusive behaviors was when a male student called a female student demeaning names in the middle of the school cafeteria. Needless to say, this female student shrugged and became understandably very emotional. With my broken English at the time, I knew that I needed to say something and stand up for her. The second time, at another student’s home, I witnessed her dad slapping her mother’s face while screaming at her insulting her with very obscene language. I intervened. Yes, at 14!

Intimate partner violence (IPV) has existed for centuries in the United States and all over the world. IPV includes a spectrum of physical, sexual, or psychological harm as well as stalking conduct by a present or former partner across a sequence of severity. Many types of abusive behaviors have been identified including social and/or financial abuse. IPV does not discriminate. It affects men and women. Children and adults. It affects heterosexual and same sex couples alike. Couples of all . This type of abuse is seen across all education and socioeconomic levels and happens in all ethnic, racial, and religious groups.

Most of these relationships start off normally. As time goes by, the behavior changes. A partner may become more controlling, or become possessive of the other person. These changes usually don’t happen overnight. They often occur gradually. In the United States, IPV is a critical public health concern that mostly affects women and girls. Adames & Campbell (2015) reported that over a third of women in the United States have experienced intimate partner violence such as rape, physical violence, or stalking by a partner.. It was not classified as a topic for public concern until the 20th century.  Furthermore, the issue of “wife beating” was not introduced to the political arena or defined as a problem until the 1970s.

To give a historical context, women have been devalued and owned by a patriarchal society and systems which support male authority and control that encourages subordination and submissiveness (Adames & Campbell, 2015). Some patriarchal values and beliefs systems do not cause men to commit intimate partner violence, however, they do influence a role in its continuation of these behaviors by shaping the culture in which the normal gender roles expectations of male control and dominance and female subordination continue to be fostered. These patriarchal values and belief systems of male, heterosexual dominance, plus the under value of women and girls lie at the root of these gender-based violence and control dynamics.

It is estimated that nearly 20 people per minute can be physically and emotionally abused by an intimate partner in the United States. Moreover, it is estimated that one in four women will experience a very serious intimate partner physical aggressive act of violence (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, NCADV, 2023). The rise and development of the feminist movement was a major factor that contributed to the heightened awareness of the intimate partner violence issue. (Smith, 2006). Efforts by the battered women’s movement in the past decades have aided in the shift of private and public perception that have led to address this issue.

When we think about trafficking, there is an overlap in the pattern of behaviors that both abusers and traffickers use to exert power and control over a victim. According to the National Network to end domestic violence (NNEDV), intimate partner violence perpetrators often use the same power and control tactics as traffickers to groom and control their victims, including psychological manipulation, physical abuse, financial control, substance abuse coercion, and sexual violence. Many people who experience intimate partner violence and trafficking are subject to an ongoing cycle of trauma. When these partners behave abusively, they undermine the trust in a relationship, which makes their victims become more vulnerable to emotional or financial exploitation. This in turn exposes them to further victimization by intimates and strangers.

Domestic violence is a destructive crime that creates life-altering damage for everyone involved. Knowing how to recognize the signs of intimate partner violence in a relationship and the power and control dynamics that are exerted, is an important step in beginning to break the cycle.

If you are experiencing domestic violence, intimate partner violence, you can call the 24-hour hotline:  National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Adames, S. B., & Campbell, R. (2015). Latinas conceptualizations of intimate partner violence. Violence Against Women, 11, 1341–1364. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077801205280191

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023). Understanding intimate partner violence: Fact sheet. http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/IPV_factsheet-a.pdf.

NCADV (2023). National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Cultural Resilience: Addressing Human Trafficking during Hispanic Heritage Month

Written by Nevaeh Lopez, Adult Case Manager, New Friends New Life

Growing up in the North Dallas area and attending private school throughout my developmental years, I often felt like an outsider looking into a world where my traditions and identity felt out of place and unfamiliar. For many years, my Hispanic identity was overshadowed by the need to fit in with those around me.

I saw my heritage as an obstacle, rather than a treasure; I often felt the need to blend into the world around me, and not embrace what made me unique. I remember feeling embarrassed about family traditions and customs, especially when they felt different from my peers. I did not have a huge quinceañera due to financial limitations and the desire to fit in with my friends, who had celebrations of “Sweet 16” instead.

It was not until I was older and in college that I truly understood the significance of my culture on how it enriches my life and connects me to my roots. The ability to communicate in Spanish was able to provide job opportunities and offer support to those around me.  I was able to connect with people on a more meaningful level upon realizing we had the same experiences and backgrounds. We all shared a strong sense of resilience and adaptability to overcome whatever obstacles we might face.

One of the most profound impacts of being Hispanic is having the support and guidance of my Hispanic family, friends, and community that surrounds me. It saddens me to know that not all women and girls have had the same level of support that I have been fortunate enough to receive. Without a strong support network and sense of community, these women and girls find themselves in vulnerable situations that may lead to exploitative environments.

In 2021, there were 10,359 situations of human trafficking reported (Polaris, 2018). Of these 10,000 situations, 72% of them were sex trafficking and 20% of the women impacted were of Hispanic descent (Polaris, 2018). The data shows that an incredibly high number of people who come from Latin America and the Caribbean are being exploited through human trafficking (Polaris, 2020). Immigrants from Latin American countries also make up 77% of all labor trafficking situations (Polaris, 2020).

Several factors can contribute to the exploitation of the Hispanic community, including economic instability, fear of deportation, lack of community support, and limited access to resources (Group, 2022). These issues highlight the need of supporting not only of the Hispanic population, but also supporting people of all different backgrounds. By offering our support and being firm in our beliefs, we can help create a safer environment. It is our responsibility to advocate for those who may be vulnerable and unable to fight for themselves. Hispanic heritage month, let us come together to make a significant impact on all communities and treat all people with the respect and dignity.

Group, G. (2022, February 28). Sex Trafficking Statistics - Guardian Group. Guardian Group. https://guardiangroup.org/sex-trafficking-statistics

Polaris. (2018, November 7). Myths, facts, and statistics. Polaris. https://polarisproject.org/myths-facts-and-statistics/

‌Polaris. (2020). The Latino Face of Human Trafficking and Exploitation in The United States EXECUTIVE SUMMARY. https://polarisproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/EXECUTIVE-SUMMARY-The-Latino-Face-of-Human-Trafficking-and-Exploitation-in-the-United-States.pdf

The Role of Fathers & Men in Society: Champions of Justice and Dignity for All

Written by Samantha Carmean, Development Assistant, New Friends New Life

I remember being five-years-old, my dad tucking me into bed and reading me my favorite bedtime story, Good Night, Sweet Butterflies. We would go on to say our nightly prayer and he would send me off with sweet dreams. At that time, you couldn’t tell me he wasn’t the best storyteller and hug-giver. Honestly, you still can’t tell me differently today.

Next, I remember being sixteen and going through my first heartbreak. I stayed up all night crying and came downstairs the next morning with puffy eyes and little to say. My dad made me an egg sandwich and held me in a way that words couldn’t.

I remember just last year, coming home from college for a short weekend just a month away from graduating. Throughout the semester, I had felt a shadow of fear for what was to come. I was so worried about not having things all lined up and I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Before I left that Sunday, it was my dad who told me how proud he was of me for all that I had accomplished in the last four years. He told me he did not want me to settle for a job I did not want, and he assured me that I would always have his and my mom’s support. I am not sure he had any idea that his words were an answered prayer to soothe all the fears and worries I was having.

Reflecting on Father’s Day, I think of intentional moments of encouragement and acts of service that say more than words can. I think of my dad’s voice yelling out as I head out of the door for work (yes, even as a grown adult) “Have a marvelous Monday”, “terrific Tuesday”, and of course “Happy Hummmmp Day”. I think of a constant ray of positivity and the continual presence of someone who truly wants the best for me.

I am grateful each Father’s Day to revel in the special moments I have with my dad and to think of all the ways he has contributed to my sense of safety, security, and confidence. However, I know that this holiday does not always bring to mind the same positive memories and emotions for everyone. For many, the hurt and pain that you carry come from the very person who was supposed to love and protect you.

If that is your story, I want to say I am sorry. It was never supposed to be that way. I am proud of you though for the courageous work you are doing or will do to heal and to create healthy relationships, although it should have never been your burden to carry. You are strong. And you are loved.

The role of a father and that of a man carries a great responsibility in shaping our society, including contributing to a sense of safety in our communities and combatting the issue of human trafficking. Behind every victim and survivor of trafficking is a complex web of factors contributing to their vulnerabilities. Fathers/men, as pivotal figures within families, communities, and society at large can both directly and indirectly influence these factors.

As a protective factor, a supportive and nurturing father figure can instill resilience, self-esteem, and a sense of autonomy in their children. Open communication, emotional support, and modeling healthy behavior can empower children to do the same (Bridging Freedom, 2023).

At New Friends New Life, our Men’s Advocacy Group mobilizes men to take action against sex trafficking and exploitation. Fathers, leaders, and men all over can actively engage in advocacy efforts, leveraging their influence to amplify the voices of survivors, challenging societal norms, and being a champion of justice and dignity for women and girls. One of my favorite things at NFNL is when we celebrate Valentine’s Day. On this occasion, we invite our MAG and male volunteers to serve a meal and gift a rose to our members. It’s a small gesture, but a big way to say I see you and I stand for you.

As we celebrate Father’s Day, let us not only express gratitude for the love, guidance, and sacrifices of the fathers/ father figures in our lives but also recognize the pivotal role they play in creating a healthy and safe community for all.

Lastly, to my dad-

Thank you for being my biggest cheerleader, a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day, and my best friend. You sure do make a mean egg sandwich ;) I love you.

Sources: Bridging Freedom. “Role of Fathers in Preventing & Combating Human Trafficking.” Bridging Freedom, 8 June 2023, www.bridgingfreedom.org/role-of-fathers/. 

Sex Trafficking’s Devastating Toll on Women and Girls’ Mental Health

Written by Sierra Harrold, Youth Case Manager, New Friends New Life

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. During this month, it is important to recognize the significant impact that mental health has on our overall well-being. Mental health affects all aspects of our lives, from our relationships and careers to our ability to be able to pursue our goals. As this month closes, I would like to encourage you to take some time to practice self-care, go on a walk, read a new book, take a relaxing bath, or anything else that is spent pouring time into yourself! I would also like to encourage you to hold compassion for others by being mindful of others’ experiences and practicing empathy.

At New Friends New Life, we often witness firsthand the immense challenges faced by women and girls who have survived sex trafficking. The traumatic experiences that these women and girls have faced, not only jeopardize their physical safety, but can also leave lasting scars on their mental health and well-being. The chronic stress that is inflicted on the brain by involvement in the sex trade can manifest a myriad of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, PTSD, borderline personality disorders, and many more. Furthermore, the impacts of sex trafficking can often extend beyond individual experiences. The impact of the sex trade can also cause a multitude of social factors to decline, such as higher rates of unemployment, family violence, poverty, and gender inequality issues. These systemic issues create severe barriers for women and girls in accessing essential mental and physical healthcare, employment opportunities, and education, which further exacerbates the challenges placed on survivors to find healing and create a new beginning.

In honor of Mental Health Awareness month, I encourage you to take a stand and help raise awareness of the mental health challenges that survivors of trafficking often face. By educating yourself and encouraging others to do the same, we can create a greater understanding of the effects of this issue and become more empathetic to those who have experienced these traumas.

Here are some ways that you can make a difference:

·Educate Yourself: Take the time to learn about the sex trade and its effect on women and girls’ mental health. By learning more about issues such as these, we can better understand how to combat them, and open our minds to holding space for others who have been victimized by this issue. Take the time to engage with various resources that are dedicated to assisting the victims of sex trafficking and learn about how you can be a part of advocating for change.

· Practice Compassion: Be mindful of the struggles that women and girls’ may face because of their experiences in the sex trade. Keep an open mind and remember that everyone’s experiences with traumas such as this are vastly different. Hold space for them and consider that everyone is at a different place in their own journey of healing. Be patient, be kind.

· Amplify Voices: Amplify the voices of survivors of trafficking. Provide platforms for their stories and allow them to share their experiences. Take the time to listen and learn. By centering their experiences, we can work towards dismantling the stigma and misconceptions surrounding this issue.

· Support Organizations: Consider offering donations (of money or time!) to organizations, like New Friends New Life, that provide support and services to the survivors of sex trafficking. Volunteering and

donations are a great way to give back to your community and is what makes supporting these individuals possible. This Mental health Awareness Month, let us come together to offer support to the victims of sex trafficking and advocate for their rights to mental health care and support! Together, I am positive, we will be able to make a  significant difference and create a more positive and inclusive world.

Citations: James A. Levine | (2017) Mental health issues in survivors of sex trafficking, Cogent Medicine, 4:1, 1278841, DOI: 10.1080/2331205X.2017.1278841

More Than Supermom: Celebrating the Strength of Mothers Everywhere

Written by Tori Davis-Henry, Mental Health Clinician, New Friends New Life

Mother’s Day is a time to honor the extraordinary women who shape our lives in countless ways. From the moment we take our first breath, mothers become our guiding lights, offering love, support, and wisdom as we navigate our lives. They're our everyday superheroes – the ones who walk beside us through thick and thin, cheering us on and picking us up when we stumble.

 Motherhood also transcends biology. Grandmothers, aunts, sisters, mentors – all can embrace the nurturing spirit and impact the children who look up to them. Each woman brings her unique blend of strengths and experiences, shaping the lives of those around her with love and wisdom.

 As a mom of five – my sons and three bonus kids – I understand the importance of being present for my children. In today’s world, children need consistent, comforting presences. But they also need to see all of me – even the parts that aren’t “Super Mom.” They can learn valuable lessons by watching me overcome challenges or admit mistakes.

I’m not the only mom that works hard for my children despite challenges in my own life. As a mental health clinician at New Friends New Life, I witness countless moms who bravely rebuild their lives, battle anxiety, and conquer depression – all to create a loving home for their children. Their resilience and unwavering strength are an inspiration, and I am so proud to watch these women empower themselves and overcome their challenges. No matter the obstacle, the moms we serve work hard to grow as individuals and as mothers – and that’s a feat worth celebrating.  

This Mother's Day, let's honor the remarkable women who strive to be role models for their children, no matter what obstacles they face. Let's recognize their courage, sacrifices, and unwavering commitment to a better life.

I also want to challenge you to take this celebration to the next level. Our appreciation shouldn't be confined to one day. Let's strive to honor them every day, acknowledging the many hats they wear while working to be the best moms they can be.

To all the mothers and mother figures out there, we salute you. Your strength, resilience, and endless love inspire us to create a world where every child thrives.

Happy Mother's Day, today and every day.